Beauty And The Beast
In today’s society we don’t need to grow old and have the wrinkles to prove it.
We don’t need to have saggy boobs, we don’t need to have thin lips, a little roll of fat here and there; no, we don’t need to have any of those things on display.
Because now we have plastic surgeons around every street corner, standing at the ready with their scalpels, so as to improve God’s work and turn us into something truly special. If you don’t look like mutton dressed as lamb, you are out in the cold, baby. Goodbye natural, Hello fake!
My favourite actress, it seems, also chose that route and suddenly her nose, with which there was nothing wrong to begin with, has changed into a little upturned blob. The cheeks have become so stiff, she can barely crack a smile. And those lips – give them a lick and you can stick her to the wall or the back window of your car. Really now, how on earth do they expect to give a good performance with wooden faces like that and to be taken seriously with lips looking like the inner tube of a bicycle wheel?
I have therefore decided to write this article for the unwary traveller, so to speak, and give a few tips on the do’s and don’ts for the few of us out there, truly a dying breed, who prefer the natural way.
Now, you might well wonder what authority, if any, I have in writing an article about this subject, but I will have you know that I have a crazy, shopaholic, fashionista for a mother, who liked nothing better than to experiment on her teenage daughter.
Add to that my now advanced age, and I can assure you that I do have a bit of experience and knowledge to share.
The only thing I can say about a home perm is; stay away! Somebody once told me – ‘’Any fool can do a perm if you can read the instructions on the box.’’ It didn’t work out to well! However, if you do insist on being Scrooge to save a few bucks, the first sign of impending danger is a burning scalp. Ignore it at your peril. Having a high pain threshold and sitting out the burn will, unfortunately, not save you from looking like a cat with a heat rash. And please, don’t be fooled if your best friend tells you – ‘’You can’t even see it!’’ – best friends are notorious for lying through their teeth to make you feel better and the only person who won’t be able to see those unsightly, pink, hairless spots and bald patches will be a blind man.
I truly love a face masque.
Few things make my skin feel as alive and glowing as a good face masque. And what makes it even better is that you have a whole range to choose from. Personally, I don’t much like clay masques, those that harden on your face while it dries, so you can just lift it off when you’re done.
But I suppose if you do it well enough you end up with a clay reproduction of your face, sort of like a death mask, if you go in for that macabre kind of thing. However, if you do decide on such a clay masque, the one thing that is absolutely imperative to remember is to rub an ointment onto your skin. Vaseline will do nicely. After all, once your beautifully made clay reproduction hardens, you will want to be able to lift it off your face without much ado and not have it stick to your skin so that a handyman has to be called in to remove it with a hammer and chisel.
Also, do please avoid the eyebrow area, staying well away from it as you may just end up with your hairy eyebrows stuck to the inside of the masque, and a pencil line proclaiming to be an eyebrow is so not the fashion.
We have barely begun to touch on the subject, but I hope you will continue to stay beautiful, naturally.
by Larelle Foord
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